Again and again in my sessions, I meet women who know their best colours — the ones that make them glow — but find themselves reaching for ‘safer’, muted, 'blend-in' shades instead. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Let’s talk about why this happens — and how you can gently reclaim your right to shine.

If you're reading this, chances are you're looking for something — maybe a little more confidence, or a better relationship with colour and clothes. I get it. I’m writing this because, honestly, it’s the blog I wish I had a few years ago.

Back then, confidence felt like something I’d left behind. Feeling good, feeling attractive... it all seemed out of reach, like I just had to quietly accept that my best days were behind me. I felt invisible.

Starting a business that uses colour as a way to have meaningful conversations about self-worth has taught me so much — not just about style, but about the quiet fears so many of us carry. It's comforting (and a bit heartbreaking) how universal it is: the fear of being seen, of standing out, of taking up space.

These are the very things I try to gently unpack in How To Not Hate Your Clothes. I’m still a work in progress — but here’s what I’ve learned so far. And what might help you, too.

Why Do We Avoid Our Best Colours?

One of the first questions I often ask people is:
"What’s stopping you from wearing your best colours?"

I’ve asked it at events, in consultations, in DMs. And honestly? The answers don’t change much.

💬 "I don’t want to stand out."
💬 "I don’t want people looking at me."
💬 "I’m scared of being judged — like I’m trying too hard."

We’ve been conditioned to blend in. To play it safe. To take up less space. And let’s be real — it’s not just emotional. Sometimes it’s also practical. Many women feel unsure how to style colour or don’t know how to respond when someone compliments them.

And yet — we crave that feeling of confidence. The kind we imagine other women have: the ones online, effortlessly radiant in outfits that clearly bring them joy. But here’s the truth that hit me hard:

We can’t dress like we want to disappear and expect to feel like we shine.

We can't chase confidence while still shrinking ourselves.

Where This Fear Shows Up Most

One of the places this fear shows up most? Work.
If I had a pound for every time someone told me, "I love that colour, but I could never wear it to the office," I’d have enough for a fancy London coffee and a bar of Dubai chocolate. (IYKYK.)

Our relationship with colour is directly tied to how much visibility we allow ourselves — professionally and personally. And that relationship runs deep.

We’re often holding onto memories of moments when colour felt unsafe. A mum’s offhand comment. A hideous bridesmaid dress. That school uniform you swore you’d never wear again. These moments stay with us — layered under years of messages telling women to be smaller, quieter, and less visible.

It’s not just about style. It’s about conditioning.
And unlearning that conditioning takes time and gentleness.

So if wearing colour feels risky — you’re not silly. You’re human.

The Reframe: Colour is a Gift, Not a Risk

Most women I speak to can recall a moment when a colour brought them joy — a compliment, a smile, a moment of feeling seen in a good way. People want to tell you when you look radiant. It lifts them, too.

And yet so much of our daily dressing is about the opposite: not being noticed.

That internal tug-of-war — between the style we secretly love and what we feel allowed to wear — often leaves us feeling like we're the problem. Like it must be our body, or face, or personality that makes clothes feel "off."

But the real issue?
It’s the years spent shrinking, blending, apologising.

So what if we started shifting that mindset — from hiding to celebrating?
What if wearing colour wasn’t about being loud... but about being aligned?

💡 Instead of seeing it as shouting, what if we saw it as shining?

You’re going to be seen anyway. So why not feel good while it’s happening?

Colour doesn’t have to be bold to be beautiful. It can be soft, warm, grounding, calm. Whatever you want it to say. You’re not “trying too hard.” You’re just trying. And that’s allowed.

Practical Steps to Ease Into Wearing Your Colours

If you’re ready to gently reconnect with colour, here’s how to begin:

1. Start with style mantras

You’re not who you used to be — and that’s a good thing.
Write down how you want to feel when you get dressed.
Try:
→ “My clothes make me feel fantastic.”
→ “I show the world who I am through my style.”

2. Accept that what once worked might not anymore

Those old ‘fail-safe’ pieces? They might not feel right now. That’s not failure — it’s growth. Give yourself permission to find new go-tos that reflect who you are now.

3. Forgive past purchases

If you’ve bought clothes from a place of hiding — you’re not alone. That version of you did her best. You don’t owe those clothes anything. Let them go.

4. Start small

You don’t have to dress like a paint chart. A scarf, a bright earring, a fun shoe, or a bold lip with your favourite neutral is a perfect start. Small steps build trust.

5. Reframe attention

Compliments are not criticism in disguise. Colour often invites connection. It’s been the best conversation starter for me — people love talking about colour. Being seen can be about community, not judgment.